Dear Terrible Twos

I know that you are a completely normal stage of toddler development. I know that you happen for a good reason, and I know you are probably just as much a lesson for me (in patience, no doubt) as you are for Lil Miss. However, I believe the following are entirely acceptable reasons for you to consider my request:-

You make car journey’s extremely tiring. In fact, just getting in the car is a complete nightmare. Trying to concentrate with a screaming toddler in the back of the car makes driving horrendously difficult. Mealtimes, bathtimes and bedtimes are not the easiest either. They can all result in meltdown, and I’m not just talking about Lil Miss.

We’re forever late due to ‘my doo’d it’ and ‘my can doo’d it mysewlf”

And I’m really beginning to feel a huge dislike for ‘don’t help me!’ and Lil Misses favourite companion ‘n.n.n.n.n.nn.nnn.nnnn.NO!!!’

Your influence over Lil Miss can be frustrating, irritating & infuriating to say the least and I don’t like the affect you have on my patience, which this evening was hanging by a thread after we to’d and fro’d over four pairs of socks which she wanted to wear, didn’t want to wear, wanted to wear, didn’t want to wear *please repeat continuously* (because I’m too worn out).

Unfortunately when you arrived you forgot to fetch Lil Miss the ability to throw a tantrum by placing herself carefully on the floor (like her big brother) before kicking off. And I’m actually quite worried she might seriously hurt herself one of these days.

Plus, there’s also the issue of me feeling like the worst mother in the whole world, because you always encourage meltdown mode whenever we step foot in a shop, particularly Asda or Tesco (I suspect this may be due to the fact that the shouts and screams echo the best in there!)

I have no idea why you’re so adverse to nursery. I’m pretty sure you don’t make yourself known there very often. This is largely due to the comments such as ‘she’s always such a good girl’ and ‘we barely know she’s here’. Plus the shock on their faces a few weeks back when they told me that she’d been a little defiant. She’d said ‘No’ a couple of times. Well, I’d have said that was a very good day!!

Her inability to make a decision coupled with her stubbornness, independence & determination, while you have her in your clutches can be excruciating.  I’m hoping that the latter three of those, erm….qualities (?!?) may feature in her personality when she is older, as they will give her plenty of drive & confidence, but I’m sure she doesn’t need to practice them quite so much now. (My husband keeps saying she’s definitely my daughter but I have no idea what he means).

In addition, I can’t keep dressing her like this…..

We do have many occasions (particularly when she has a great night’s sleep and is more able to keep you at bay) where we get to experience the sweet, charming, clever little girl that she really is. That Lil Miss is extremely fun and cute.  She makes my heart melt a little each time when she tells me she loves me or that I’m her best friend. She’s the little girl that’s also incredibly caring and adores her brother and we’d really love to see much more of her.

Anyway, taking all of the above into consideration, I’m afraid I have no option but to kindly ask you to leave.  I feel that this is a very reasonable request given that you arrived much earlier than we anticipated and seem to have long outstayed your welcome!

Yours hopefully

Kate x