They often say your children are a reflection of you. What they see from you makes a huge impression on them.
Well I’ve started to notice a lot of myself in one of my mini me’s.
Surprisingly it’s not the one I always expected it to be.
People often joke about how they’ve never met two children that are so alike their parents. Lil Man could’ve been easily mistaken for his dad when comparing baby pictures and Lil Miss could’ve been mistaken for me.
In fact, I once showed Lil Man a picture of me as a baby when he was about two years old. He was completely insistent that it was a picture of his sister and would not be convinced otherwise. And the first time hubby went to collect Lil Man from nursery (having never visited before due to his ridiculously busy job) they exclaimed,
‘Well, we don’t need to ask who you’ve come to collect, do we?’
I did a foot reading course last year. I find it fascinating how much of someone’s characteristics that you can see in their feet. However, over the summer I have been pondering why Lil Man’s feet are more like mine than his dads.
Well, recently I’ve realised that watching him is like staring in a blinking mirror.
I have begun to see my traits reflected in him. Some lovely ones and some that I know some work before he ends up as an adult in therapy!! 😉
And before I can help him deal with these traits and use them positively I know I need to take a good look at myself!
I am aware of my flaws.
In fact, I had a marketing meeting with someone a little while ago. I’d never met him before. Within half an hour he’d pinpointed the fact that I’m a complete perfectionist. If I can’t get something right, then I won’t finish it. Sometimes if I can’t see how I want the end result, I won’t even start it!
He was so right. This is why I have eleventy billion drafts of blog posts on my phone that are half written and don’t get published. I start writing stuff, get distracted (another of my flaws is that I am easily distracted) and then I forget where I was going with it, or because it’s been left and then doesn’t feel timely I won’t bother posting it.
More so, I like doing everything myself. I’m so stubbornly independent and (rather modestly) I know I can do most things I set my mind to, so I hate asking anyone else to do something for me.
Plus if I’ve got something in my head that I’m determined to do and I’ve set myself the challenge of completing it, I won’t give up until it’s done even if it takes twice the time and effort I expected.
And finally, I hate admitting that I need help and I can’t do everything myself. Sometimes I can picture in my head how I want something but I have difficulty expressing that to someone else and so I won’t bother, instead I’ll just get on and do it.
The end result of all this?
I get frustrated because there’s too much to get done in the time I have to do it. I feel like I’m not getting help from anyone, which is entirely my own fault because I won’t ask for it. I feel like I’m constantly picking up & tidying up after others because things have to be as I’d leave them and I’m too willing to offer help without actually considering how I’ll fit it all in.
And although I’m loathe to admit it, I get stressed because I can’t get everything done in the time I’ve set myself. Everything takes longer than I think it should. Then I stay up stupidly late trying to squeeze every minute I can out of the day so I can get as much done as I can and then I struggle to switch off and drag myself to bed.
I even feel more pressure, because with the job I do, I feel people expect me to be a glowing vision of health. And very much more Zen like than I am at the moment!
I am great most of the time but I am also human and suffer from stress and illness just like everyone.
Thankfully I’m in a position where I can give myself Reiki every night which helps me to feel well and actually pretty amazing on the days where I don’t do too much, get too stressed and actually manage a decent amount of sleep.
I know, however, I’m abusing it.
I shouldn’t be using it to help me to do more, squeeze as much as I can in and sleep less. I should be using it to help me attain some balance and to be a better channel of it for others.
I know if I were to do less and try to do things at a more reasonable pace rather than everything at breakneck speed I’d actually be more productive and get more done.
The problem is how I get myself out of this?
Well I guess sometimes you’re forced to change yourself because of the effect it has on someone else, i nothing like being given a big incentive, hey?
I’ve noticed all these traits in Lil Man.
Sometimes it seems like these are being reflected tenfold, but that could just be me in denial!!
He’s gorgeous, kind, sensitive and an extremely funny, cheeky little boy, but the traits I’m seeing reflected from me are not going to help him be a glowing vision of health and zen like either if he continues. Or rather, if ‘I’ continue.
He gets frustrated with himself if he strays a tiny bit outside the lines when he’s colouring. If it’s not perfect, he’ll screw it up in frustration and start again. If someone complements him on colouring or a job well done, he’ll point out where it’s not quite as he wanted it.
He never wants to switch off. He’d stay up forever if we’d let him and he still wouldn’t sleep in and waste some of his day.
He gets frustrated when people don’t do things as he wants them doing, even though he doesn’t explain what he wants. This particularly applies to games he makes up, where the rules only seem to be divulged when someone breaks them.
If he sets his mind on doing something he will not give up, it doesn’t matter how impossible it seems to anyone else. If he’s made his mind up that he’s doing it, he’s doing it!
And he hates accepting help.
I think it’s about time to make some changes around here.
I need to try harder at being a shiny example.
First and foremost, more sleep is on the agenda! And more asking for help. (Ironically, I should be in bed by now, but I’m finishing this blog post because I decided it would be done tonight. I definitely need help!!)
I’m also going to try meditating on a new mantra….
‘I am not superwoman, I am not superwoman, I am not superwoman’
So, what traits of yours do you see in your children?